MOMMA’S GONE CRAY CRAY!
22:41In the name of Allah , the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful.
Assalamualaykum to all,
Recently I came across an article, well it’s rather a news about a
mother who killed her own 2 month year old baby. SubhanAllah I could feel
exactly how she would have felt, except, I didn’t actually kill mine but I’ve
had that in my mind at times. You might think, how could a mother ever do that
after going through everything preparing the arrival of her baby and just take
his/her life just like that! Yup! Not having enough rest, changes in your body
and emotion leads you to that! Momma has gone cray cray! I bet your even
judging me now…but I don’t care really because honestly we all feel like
killing someone at times. Ok no joke, serious time.
Firstly to break down things to all you new mommas out there, MOTHERHOOD
AINT EASY! BABIES THO CUTE, NOT EASY. And you’ll have many SLEEPLESS NIGHTS!
But GOOD NEWS tho, YOU”LL GET USE TO IT WOMAN! Like every phase we go in life,
this is also a part of it. Remember being a teen, it wasn’t easy with puberty,
pimples, big boobs, small boobs, mood swings, dreading over opposite sex and
all that. Then when you got married… loud snores, toilet seat not put down, loud
unapologetic farts, video games24/7 dramas. Yup, motherhood is just like that
too! It’s a phase in life that Allah puts us through to be better and it’s just
polishing us all the way! Honestly you could see yourself, being more patience at
the end of the day, being able to organize like a pro, and even getting a new
figure (happens when you manage a toddler).
Secondly, it’s OK to CRY! CRY to everyone and please don’t be so
independent all the time! Yes I know we women are brought up being independent
but till you talk to your husband and tell him what’s wrong, his never going to
understand. Throw him those tears then he will need to man up for u and start
figuring things out for u and the baby. MEN NEED TO BE TOLD WHAT TO DO! So, please
please communicate with your spouse! I beg you all! I did that mistake of
taking all in. I did the mistake of being independent with my baby too much
that it broke me. When you’re about to break down, get away from your baby for
a few hours and have your “me-time”. It really helps! And hey, ur hubby might
get his time to bond with the baby.
Thirdly, EAT HEALTHY! I know I’m not the best person to give this
advice but when I was pregnant, I tried my level best to do it and when I was
in my confinement too! Alhamdulillah I have my umie to make sure everything was
in order in terms of food. And EAT UP WOMAN! So what you gained a few extra
pounds, EXERCISE but NEVER EVER SKIP A MEAL! Especially when your breastfeeding.
Drink lots of water even though people think your being a whale. DRINK DRINK
DRINK PLENTY OF WATER! Our emotions and hormones relates to what we eat too!
Fourthly, read up not only about child birth but also about
breastfeeding, cleanliness of the baby, activities to play with your baby other
than just taking his/her picture and postpartum depression. READ READ READ! You
need to read and watch videos, talk to other mommas and find a way you want to
do things with your baby. Different mother has got different styles and we are
all are no better than the other but doing all this would help you to get an
idea on motherhood. Find a support group among your friends or even in your
residential area. It helps a lot to get friends you could relate to! But but
but…if at all you feel judged by this mommas…RUN FOR YOUR LIFE WOMAN! Some ladies
can be so know it all and bitter honestly!
Fifthly, SLEEP! You might go like eh you said sleep deprived…yeah but
just do this in the first few weeks after giving birth. IT’s really tiring
pushing your baby out to the world and u need that rest! So, what you do is…pump
out your milk and give your baby to your hubby or parents to take care off and
YOU GO SLEEP! Alhamdulillah my umie took care of my baby at night when I was
having a good night sleep. She slept with my baby and gave milk to her when she
wakes up at 5am and after that I took over. It helped me soooo much Alhamdulillah!
So, try liaising with your family and I’m sure they would be happy to help. If you’ve
got money than go ahead and hire someone to do it!
Sixthly, I’M A BAD MOTHER! Yup, this will definitely haunt you down
till the end of your life. But honestly, NO ONE IS PERFECT WOMAN! A dear friend
did tell me this when I had a meltdown not long before. It’s ok to have a
meltdown. It’s ok to feel frustrated and showing it especially to your kids
because they need to know that neither you nor they are perfect. It’s a learning
curve for you and your baby and that’s how we complement each other. I know for
sure when I tell my daughter, I hate her, she’s going to do that when she’s in
her teen’s year. We did hate our moms at one point of time. I’m telling this
not to ask you ladies to do so but what I’m trying to convey is that its ok
guys, honestly it’s ok. We can’t be perfect all the time. We are human. MOM’S
ARE HUMAN!
Finally, make sure NOT TO SKIP YOUR PRAYERS AND YOUR DAILY MORNING AND
EVENING ADHKAR. Make sure to always recite the Quran or even listen to it with
your baby. The words of Allah has the power to heal and for your postpartum
depression this is an amazing cure. So I think let’s slide music under the bed
for now shall we. Make sure to recite Surah Fatiha, Ayatul Kursi and 3 Qul EVERYDAY!
At times I forget too but once you realize you’re about to go cuckoo, snap out
of it and recite. It will definitely cool you down!
Now, this one I need you to let your hubby read it! HUBBY HUBBA HUBBA
listen…
Firstly, DUDE, BE INVOLVED! I’m not asking you to do everything but
make sure you’re ready to be her support system! You never liked her in her PMS
days, well get ready, this could be worst! But she’s bringing your baby to this
world, I bet you can be more sensible and take it all in right! Lend in your
ears for her and motivate her. Don’t just motivate her by saying “you can do it”,
“jannah lies on your feet”, “Allah chose you among millions of people out there”
but motivate her by saying “you’re the most amazing woman I’ve met”, “I love
you sooo much”, “our baby and I can never be blessed with a more amazing mom
and wife than u”, lots of hugs, lots of kisses, shower her with chocolates and
foods she love to indulge! Dude just by hugging and kissing her every day, that’s
THE BEST EVER MOTIVATION for any woman in this world!
Secondly, BE READY FOR CHANGE! I know you might be in the midst of
promotion, new job, just got into the romance phase of marriage and THIS IS A
LOT TO TAKE! Yup! Not only for you but your wife too! It’s a change for
everyone! You might find your wife turning out to be a complete new person and
even everything at home will be so different from before. So, just know that your child is also a rizq
that will bring in more RIZQ AND TAWAKKUL in Allah for this new journey! It’s
totally fine to talk to your wife about it and really figure things together.THAT’S WHAT MARRIAGE IS ALL ABOUT.
Thirdly, FORGIVE HER, MAKE DU’A FOR HER AND BE PLEASE WITH HER. I think
this bit might be a bit difficult for some because your wife has just got to
the next level on emotions and mood swings and the number one reason for it is
TIRED AND SLEEP DEPRIVED. Looking at her, you might feel like u made the
biggest mistake choosing the wrong person as the mother of your kids. Honestly,
with a toddler, this can still go on and for me myself, I’m a totally different
person when that happens. Things I might think I won’t do to my daughter, I do.
At times I tell to my hubby that I can’t take it and I want to kill our
daughter but he snaps me out of it without making me guilty and he always says
that he prays for me not to be a MONSTER and ask Allah to give me and him the
strength.
So guys, though it’s all flowery and wonderful this PARENTHOOD
thinghy, it’s filled with test for you and your family. Give time to each other
and seek help. I’m sure there will be many peple willing to help you if you
reach out. Never take this negative emotions light. REALIZE IT AND MAKE A
CHANGE! Like what my bro in law told us welcoming us to parenthood, it’s a BITTERSWEET
JOURNEY!
Waalaikummusalam warahmatullah ~
1 comments
PREACH IT SISTA! You are doing an awesome job. Don't ever let anyone make you feel any less. I love that you tell it as it is and the reality of motherhood is really sucky, only to be made up for precious moments that totally makes it worth all the pain, sweat and tears. Miss you xx
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