depression

MOMMA’S GONE CRAY CRAY!

22:41

In the name of Allah , the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful.  

 Assalamualaykum to all, 




Recently I came across an article, well it’s rather a news about a mother who killed her own 2 month year old baby. SubhanAllah I could feel exactly how she would have felt, except, I didn’t actually kill mine but I’ve had that in my mind at times. You might think, how could a mother ever do that after going through everything preparing the arrival of her baby and just take his/her life just like that! Yup! Not having enough rest, changes in your body and emotion leads you to that! Momma has gone cray cray! I bet your even judging me now…but I don’t care really because honestly we all feel like killing someone at times. Ok no joke, serious time.

Firstly to break down things to all you new mommas out there, MOTHERHOOD AINT EASY! BABIES THO CUTE, NOT EASY. And you’ll have many SLEEPLESS NIGHTS! But GOOD NEWS tho, YOU”LL GET USE TO IT WOMAN! Like every phase we go in life, this is also a part of it. Remember being a teen, it wasn’t easy with puberty, pimples, big boobs, small boobs, mood swings, dreading over opposite sex and all that. Then when you got married… loud snores, toilet seat not put down, loud unapologetic farts, video games24/7 dramas. Yup, motherhood is just like that too! It’s a phase in life that Allah puts us through to be better and it’s just polishing us all the way! Honestly you could see yourself, being more patience at the end of the day, being able to organize like a pro, and even getting a new figure (happens when you manage a toddler).

Secondly, it’s OK to CRY! CRY to everyone and please don’t be so independent all the time! Yes I know we women are brought up being independent but till you talk to your husband and tell him what’s wrong, his never going to understand. Throw him those tears then he will need to man up for u and start figuring things out for u and the baby. MEN NEED TO BE TOLD WHAT TO DO! So, please please communicate with your spouse! I beg you all! I did that mistake of taking all in. I did the mistake of being independent with my baby too much that it broke me. When you’re about to break down, get away from your baby for a few hours and have your “me-time”. It really helps! And hey, ur hubby might get his time to bond with the baby.

Thirdly, EAT HEALTHY! I know I’m not the best person to give this advice but when I was pregnant, I tried my level best to do it and when I was in my confinement too! Alhamdulillah I have my umie to make sure everything was in order in terms of food. And EAT UP WOMAN! So what you gained a few extra pounds, EXERCISE but NEVER EVER SKIP A MEAL! Especially when your breastfeeding. Drink lots of water even though people think your being a whale. DRINK DRINK DRINK PLENTY OF WATER! Our emotions and hormones relates to what we eat too!

Fourthly, read up not only about child birth but also about breastfeeding, cleanliness of the baby, activities to play with your baby other than just taking his/her picture and postpartum depression. READ READ READ! You need to read and watch videos, talk to other mommas and find a way you want to do things with your baby. Different mother has got different styles and we are all are no better than the other but doing all this would help you to get an idea on motherhood. Find a support group among your friends or even in your residential area. It helps a lot to get friends you could relate to! But but but…if at all you feel judged by this mommas…RUN FOR YOUR LIFE WOMAN! Some ladies can be so know it all and bitter honestly!

Fifthly, SLEEP! You might go like eh you said sleep deprived…yeah but just do this in the first few weeks after giving birth. IT’s really tiring pushing your baby out to the world and u need that rest! So, what you do is…pump out your milk and give your baby to your hubby or parents to take care off and YOU GO SLEEP! Alhamdulillah my umie took care of my baby at night when I was having a good night sleep. She slept with my baby and gave milk to her when she wakes up at 5am and after that I took over. It helped me soooo much Alhamdulillah! So, try liaising with your family and I’m sure they would be happy to help. If you’ve got money than go ahead and hire someone to do it!

Sixthly, I’M A BAD MOTHER! Yup, this will definitely haunt you down till the end of your life. But honestly, NO ONE IS PERFECT WOMAN! A dear friend did tell me this when I had a meltdown not long before. It’s ok to have a meltdown. It’s ok to feel frustrated and showing it especially to your kids because they need to know that neither you nor they are perfect. It’s a learning curve for you and your baby and that’s how we complement each other. I know for sure when I tell my daughter, I hate her, she’s going to do that when she’s in her teen’s year. We did hate our moms at one point of time. I’m telling this not to ask you ladies to do so but what I’m trying to convey is that its ok guys, honestly it’s ok. We can’t be perfect all the time. We are human. MOM’S ARE HUMAN!

Finally, make sure NOT TO SKIP YOUR PRAYERS AND YOUR DAILY MORNING AND EVENING ADHKAR. Make sure to always recite the Quran or even listen to it with your baby. The words of Allah has the power to heal and for your postpartum depression this is an amazing cure. So I think let’s slide music under the bed for now shall we. Make sure to recite Surah Fatiha, Ayatul Kursi and 3 Qul EVERYDAY! At times I forget too but once you realize you’re about to go cuckoo, snap out of it and recite. It will definitely cool you down!



Now, this one I need you to let your hubby read it! HUBBY HUBBA HUBBA listen…

Firstly, DUDE, BE INVOLVED! I’m not asking you to do everything but make sure you’re ready to be her support system! You never liked her in her PMS days, well get ready, this could be worst! But she’s bringing your baby to this world, I bet you can be more sensible and take it all in right! Lend in your ears for her and motivate her. Don’t just motivate her by saying “you can do it”, “jannah lies on your feet”, “Allah chose you among millions of people out there” but motivate her by saying “you’re the most amazing woman I’ve met”, “I love you sooo much”, “our baby and I can never be blessed with a more amazing mom and wife than u”, lots of hugs, lots of kisses, shower her with chocolates and foods she love to indulge! Dude just by hugging and kissing her every day, that’s THE BEST EVER MOTIVATION for any woman in this world!

Secondly, BE READY FOR CHANGE! I know you might be in the midst of promotion, new job, just got into the romance phase of marriage and THIS IS A LOT TO TAKE! Yup! Not only for you but your wife too! It’s a change for everyone! You might find your wife turning out to be a complete new person and even everything at home will be so different from before.  So, just know that your child is also a rizq that will bring in more RIZQ AND TAWAKKUL in Allah for this new journey! It’s totally fine to talk to your wife about it and really figure things together.THAT’S WHAT MARRIAGE IS ALL ABOUT.

Thirdly, FORGIVE HER, MAKE DU’A FOR HER AND BE PLEASE WITH HER. I think this bit might be a bit difficult for some because your wife has just got to the next level on emotions and mood swings and the number one reason for it is TIRED AND SLEEP DEPRIVED. Looking at her, you might feel like u made the biggest mistake choosing the wrong person as the mother of your kids. Honestly, with a toddler, this can still go on and for me myself, I’m a totally different person when that happens. Things I might think I won’t do to my daughter, I do. At times I tell to my hubby that I can’t take it and I want to kill our daughter but he snaps me out of it without making me guilty and he always says that he prays for me not to be a MONSTER and ask Allah to give me and him the strength.


So guys, though it’s all flowery and wonderful this PARENTHOOD thinghy, it’s filled with test for you and your family. Give time to each other and seek help. I’m sure there will be many peple willing to help you if you reach out. Never take this negative emotions light. REALIZE IT AND MAKE A CHANGE! Like what my bro in law told us welcoming us to parenthood, it’s a BITTERSWEET JOURNEY! 

 Waalaikummusalam warahmatullah ~

Creative Writing Class - FAMILY & ANCESTORY

21:54

In the name of Allah , the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful.

Loughborough Library

So, since being down here in Loughborough, i have enrolled myself in the creative writing class at the local library. It's free so why not! What we do is that we sit in a group, pick a topic and write for about 20 minutes and then we read out loud. It's nice to hear and pick up on different writing styles and ideas also the chance to learn about many new things. So here you go, the snippet for my first writing class!


 FAMILY & ANCESTORY
      Growing up, people around me are rather confused by who I was. A petite girl with a fair skin, sharp nose and a bindi on her fore head would almost be mistaken as a Malay. Where I come from, Malaysia is known with is diversity encompassing 3 major race. The Malays which originates from the land of java, Indians from land of the Pandavas and Chinese from the land of great dynasties, all brought in over by the East India Company. Me and my sister, well we look Malay but we are actually, well this may surprise you, a mixture between Indian and Chinese. Actually in this 21st century, it’s not a surprise for us Malaysians with all this mushy mixture going on! One can have so much of race in them but yet we need to choose between this major three to be called a Malaysian. Quite ridiculous but that’s a something we’ve all kept inside our hearts.

    I could only trace my ancestry back to when Malaysia was hit by the Japanese occupation back in the 1940’s. The Chinese couldn’t stand a chance to survive back then. So my grandmother who is a Chinese was given away to an Indian family. She grew up embracing her lighter skin tone being in the midst of strong, rough, build dark Indians. Of course, to this people, she is the most beautiful women they have ever seen. Every women in the village envied her, so she said! But I could not stop thinking why and how is she envied being flat chested, with a tiny eyes and flat nose? Ah! It’s probably her skin! Yea, the fair ones gets away quite easily!

     She married my grandfather at such a young teen age, a rubber tapper and found her happy ever after surrounded by kerosene lights under the rubber trees. They bore 5 children and the second from that lot is my father. Ah yes! My father was a lot like my grandmother and a lot Chinese. He was a proud, calm and collected, wise, stingy when it comes to money but he was so in love with his Indian culture. Growing up, he made sure we stayed strong to our culture. Every Diwali is celebrated with new beautiful, colorful clothes and singing hymns to the god and goddesses. Yes, and that includes not wearing anything black as it is not auspicious for the Hindus.


    Growing up, I learned a lot from my grandmother and father, taking up their eastern values before I moved onto my path discovering Islam and being a Muslim. I married my husband who is a Malay and by the grace of God, we have one daughter now who screams 1Malaysia inside her, though I secretly think she’s more Indian! It’s beautiful in the Quran, Chapter 49 Verse 13 God says “O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made people and tribes that you may know one another”. 

DREAM AWAY, REACH OUT FOR THE BEST!

18:41

In the name of Allah , the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful.


picture courtesy of rightmove.co.uk


Few days back, I was strolling down with my stroller on the way to my husband’s university. Walking down the streets and down the pathways of the houses, I was awed by how beautiful autumn is going to be and how it is to be living in that particular neighborhood. Having one big olden English house with a huge yard, sipping tea and looking at the children play. So dreamy right?!

For a split second, memories rushed down to back when I was a teen. It was a Sunday ritual for my family to go to the temple early in the morning and have breakfast in Bangsar. My dad would drive us around the neighborhood for us to admire the houses and how we could imagine life be if we ever get to live there. I guess it was a form of motivation for us to study, get to a good university, work, marry a rich man and live in one of those houses.

Then when I snapped out of that memory, I looked at where I am today and I could only say Alhamdulillah. No, I didn’t get into the top universities in Malaysia, an animation graduate who left her job years back, not married to a rich man, I’ve got 2 Chanel bags under my eyes thanks to my toddler and definitely NOT staying at one of those houses in Bangsar!

Honestly, my dad could turn to me today and tell me that, I didn’t achieve any when I had the time to achieve it in Malaysia, what more in England! But nope! When I told him what I saw here and how beautiful it is, he said, nothing is impossible for a human mind. Dream and work hard for it and if it was meant to be for you, God will surely bless you with it and if it is not…well, Islam says it clearly, Allah is saving the best for you. Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal.

See, human imagination is wonderfully so powerful and that is why we have achieved so much. Technologies revolves around our imagination and dream and the drive one has to achieve it makes it more unbelievable. At times, we imagine things that no one could see, we dream of achievements that others regard it as “Are you hearing to yourself?!”

Rasullulah SAW said that if we were to ask for paradise, we should ask for its highest level: Al-Firdaus Al-A’la. Why so?

“Al-Firdaus is the highest of Paradise and it’s most expensive, and above that is the Throne of Ar-Rahman (the Most Merciful), and from it the rivers of Paradise are made to flow forth. So when you ask Allah SWT, ask Him for Al-Firdaus.” [At-Tirmidhi]


Don’t you want to be there? Don’t you want to be at the best place? Under the throne of Allah? To be seeing His face for the first time? Even though your still struggling in perfecting yourselves, your imaan, you still wanna be at Al-Firdaus because it itself is in our inner fitra, wanting the best, wanting the perfect one!

Now let me tell you, look at yourself. Do you think you deserve to be there? Do you think you deserve to be with the best men who walked the earth? They were the closest to Allah SWT, they obeyed Him, they loved Him, and they went through all the test as a believer and successfully succeeded in it! You! What have you done? Do you think you deserve that place? What more, to enter it!


Allahuakhbar! Allah is the Most Merciful and Most Forgiving. He sent us a Prophet who would only give us so much of guidance, love and hope. Never have he failed in his job as a Messenger of Allah what more than encouraging us to be the best believer achieving the best so that we could all be together even though he knew what state this Ummah will be after leaving us. Dream and making du’a for Al-Firdouse is just not it. He encourages us to work hard for it, follow the Quran and Sunnah and ask for Allah’s mercy and forgiveness.

So now I tell you my friends, dream and imagination is so powerful that it should drive you and those around you to the better! Be it for the dunya or the aakhirah, dream and work for it and make plenty of du’a to Allah SWT to grant you the best of this world and the hereafter. If He doesn’t, than know that Allah has your best interest and He will grant you more than what you imagine for yourselves.


From being a DISBELIEVER to being I AM THE BELIEVER

22:19

In the name of Allah , the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful. 

Assalamualaikum to all, 
As promised, I bring to you the story of how I Am The Believer started in 2010 and how it made through it's journey till today, Alhamdulillah. 



... Walked into my room and saw my bed and i thought to myself, "It would feel sooo good to take a nap after such a long tiring animation class!". But unfortunately it's already Asr and I rather go take my wudhu and pray! Walked down to the toilet and the rushing gush of cold water on a hot day is such a ni'mat. The best thing about taking wudhu is that the whole body just amazingly re-energized! It's like Allah just knows how the body works...well duhh!! He is the creator after all! Immediately I walked back to the room and performed my salah. 

As i was sitting there on my prayer mat after my prayers, I was totally energized from my original plan which is to take a nap. I quickly moved to my desk, sat down on my chair and switched on my computer! And as usual, first site...FACEBOOK! But it didn't interest me that day...Gossips, videos on the latest song, long emotional vulgar status was all up and it got me feeling sick for a second. Somehow after being a Muslim a few months ago, all what i see today doesn't interest me anymore! i couldn't see how it serves as a purpose in my life. Immediately i thought about this new social media phenomena thighy that my room mate shared with me yesterday called Tumblr, so why don't we check it out! So i went on Google, made some research about it and checked out the site itself. 

I then typed "Islam" on the search site on Tumblr and to my surprise, subahanAllah there were thousands of gems, pictures, quotes by scholars and the sahabah and at that moment, i was SUPER SERIOUSLY energized. From slouching on my chair, i quickly sat up straight staring at my computer screen trying to take all the pleasure i could get off it, in! YES! you've guessed it, i spent more than 30 minutes going through the whole thread!

The next thought that clicked in my mind was, why would i waste time on Facebook going through news feed that is not gonna help me at all when i could be here!!! And then at that very second, i told myself that i'm gonna benefit more from Tumblr and started up a new account. 

Tumblr officially became my new world!!

Then it came to that moment that every blogger had to be super smart and creative, NAMING YOUR BLOG (cos you need to appear awesome and cool) and a pen name! urf though i'm in the creative line, am not so of a creative copywriter! Took me a good 10-20 minutes staring at the screen like a fool thinking bout naming my Tumblr. Why isn't my head moving in the right direction?! Allah....!

Back to basics ash! back to basics!...what is the purpose of you doing this? To benefit myself and i could learn one or two from the posts...ouh yeah and definitely this is super motivational! and reblogging is the best thing ever invented! i could benefit myself, and the others...SHARE! SHARE! SHARE! obviously then at the end of the day, i can be a better believer! That's it!! BELIEVER! that's the key word...i want to be that BELIEVER! that BELIEVER that my Rabb has praised in His book, that BELIEVER that the person most lovable to me than my parents has praised on and on, inspiring me to be where i am, being a BELIEVER of that true deen! Yes! I want to be that BELIEVER! I AM THE BELIEVER!

At that moment i knew that I AM THE BELIEVER will be my motivator at times i slack being one, a strength to keep me moving after changing my religion and believe, a teacher to remind me through thickness and thin...and a community that is my family. 

Throughout those years till today, it has served me a purpose in life. It thought me a lot regarding my morale and my deen. It brought me up to new heights in life. It allowed me to develop new relationship with amazing brothers and sisters online and around me...all for one sole purpose...becoming a BELIEVER. 

I know that what has benefited me then, has now, as of today, benefited many. Don't get me wrong, cos it still benefits me but i'm happy and its such a satisfaction that it's benefiting more and more people today. Alhamdulillah with the help of my husband and friends, I AM THE BELIEVER has started to benefit more people for the sake of Allah SWT and i just hope we all could see later on the Day of Judgement, the ajr from all of this. 

It's true though as what i've said to our team, something that i've started a long time ago, i never knew it will come to this stage. Though it is a blessing for all of us, it does serves as a reminder that this is also a test from Allah SWT. I pray that Allah SWT guides us in this straight path and gather all of us in Jannah! Ameen!

Waalaikummusalam warahmatullah ~

Updates! Updates!

18:46

In the name of Allah , the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful. 

Assalamualaikum to all,

It's been quite awhile that i took a stroll down this blog. SubahanAllah with the pregnancy and studies that i have been catching up, it's quite hard to make time for writing tho i wish i could write in a daily basis!

Now am back here again with the a long overdue post my dear family!

So, really today's post is really much of an update about me myself and what is really happening behind I Am The Believer. So, some of you have already known that I've started up writing and sharing on my Tumblr for almost 4 yrs ago, few months after i took my shahadah. Than my Tumblr turned into pretty much a sharing site and this blogspot has been a place where i throw what i've learned and went through almost that 4 years of journey of being a Muslim.

Well, today, i have revamped I Am The Believer TOTALLY! Alhamdulillah with the great mind of my husband wanting to grow this brand into benefiting more and more people, we practically made I Am The Believer into a community! Alhamdulillah that we have friends coming on board with ideas and seeing it coming to live is amazing actually!

Our very own first free Islamic talk


I am inshaAllah turning my Tumblr into a one stop website just like Muslim Matters inshaAllah so that Malaysian Muslims inshaAllah can benefit from it. With talks, articles, information on courses and classes would pretty much help Muslims here in seeking beneficial knowledge inshaAllah. Also, we have launched our very own free Islamic talks last week, that we plan to do it in monthly basis and books and merchandise business to help us sustain and giving back to the community inshaAllah. We do have more and more plans coming in and i'm most thankful that my husband is running it fully with help from close friends Alhamdulillah. As for me, now im helping in terms of design and making lil decisions here and there. I hope i could do as much as before but being in the 3rd trimester of pregnancy now, subahanAllah it ain't easy and all i could do is pray for Allah to sprinkle some dust of energy for me to work for this Ummah despite being a mother. Please also my dearies, do make du'a for us!!

Watch out for my next post on how i started up I Am The Believer....

Waalaikummusalam warahmatullah ~

This how our Ummah is slowly but effectively divided

03:21



In the name of Allah , the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful.

 Assalamualaykum to all, 

 Recently i have been coming across this ridiculous most absurd attitude...I'M BETTER THAN YOU!

 Funny thing is that it appears to be not direct as above but when you start cutting the bushes...its in your face!

 Quite recently my environment has been polluted with this kinda thinking actually. People are racing to be number 1, perfect, amazing and subahanAllah, i can't really see where are they heading! I wonder if they can see it. From individuals promoting their good deeds to community that not only love being in the sideline but condemning others on their efforts. I wonder what do they achieve at the end? Do they know what are they achieving? 

 I mean like for Allah's sake, you are apart of this Ummah, don't you want everyone to receive khayr? How can you be selfish by condemning the efforts of your brothers and sisters? I mean we all know that no one is perfect but, is that what you utter outside but not understanding and practising it from within?

 Wallahi it hurts seeing us being divided within the scope of da'wah. Don't get me started with the other issues...



See brothers and sisters, we being actively involved in da'wah, our main goal is only one! TO OPEN THE EYES AND MINDS OF OTHER HUMAN BEING BACK TO HIS CREATOR be it a Muslim or a non Muslim. That is the only goal that every each one du'at is supposed to have in their mind. 

 So,
this means NO "I only belong to this Organization"
this means NO "How many followers i have in my social media...*scroll scroll*"
and DEFINITELY NO to "Well, they are so and so unlike us which are trying to keep it real here"

 all the above...TOTAL BAKWAS!

 I know that its hard and when we have been so indulged, it is hard to change back but you must understand than we are all doing it for the BETTERMENT of the UMMAH. Set aside emotional and selfish attitude and always push yourself to think POSITIVELY inshaAllah..

 I KNOW I CAN DO IT, SO DO YOU inshaAllah


Waalaykummusalam warahmatullah ~

It's The Bakwas Type of Love!

20:37



In the name of Allah , the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful. 

Assalamualaykum to all,

A follow up to my last post, MashaAllah this is something direct and spot on for our youth out there especially the sisters in their teen and youth years. I really hope that you guys have a good read!If there is something you would wanna do for your Rabb then take the first step in ending a haram relationship for the sake of Him if you know that its gonna take a looooong time till both of you get married. 

Girl meets boy, and life seems so sweet. Now that he is in her life, no one else exists. All day he is the number one feature of her daydreams; the star of the show. She checks her Facebook to see if he has posted on her wall; and her gaze is always lowered... right on to her phone, checking for his messages. She is his queen, and he is her king. He cherishes her, adores her and cares for her in every way possible. She says she cannot live without him, and with a twinkle in his eyes, he says he feels the same way. She wonders, is this real?

So romantic, right?

Sure... If her Prince Charming happens to be her husband.

And if not?

She risks losing her reputation, her self-respect, her modesty, her Iman... and worst of all, her akhirah is in grave danger.

One of the most evil crisis' to come upon the Ummah is that of dating and inappropriate contact between the genders. Whether we are aware of it or not, these relationships are rampant, hidden behind deleted messages and secret hook-ups. Evil surrounds these relationships- from loss of reputation and destruction of modesty, to outright zina and abortion.

What if it's too late you ask?

It's never too late to turn to Allah. This article is not about the fiqh of gender interaction (references for that at the end of the article). This is just some advice from one sister to another, to every girl who has non-Mahram "friends" with whom she freely chats to; every girl who sincerely wants to marry for the sake of Allah, but has found herself falling in to the haram in her quest; to all my sisters out there who make excuses as to why they can't keep it halal. Let be real with ourselves, inshaAllah.

Excuses for Free-mixing and Dating – Let's be real

But we love each other!

Yes, you might love each other, but isn't Allah more deserving of your love? Of course you say, knowing full well that Allah deserves your love above everybody and everything else.

... are some who take (for worship) others besides Allah as rivals (to Allah). They love them as they love Allah. But those who believe, love Allah more (than anything else)…. (Surah Al Baqarah 2:165)

Are you using His blessings (sight, speech, movement, intelligence, beauty) to disobey Him? If you love, deeply, truly - Allah - than love everybody else in ways that please Him. Get married if possible, since that is the cure for those in love.

Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas : Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said, "You have seen nothing like marriage for increasing the love of two people.' Ibn Majah transmitted it.

Tip: If marriage is not an option, have sabr and don't transgress the limits set by Allah for fleeting feelings. InshaAllah your time will come, and the fire of regret will burn deep in your heart if you fell in to haram while you were seeking the Halal.

We only talk on the phone/Facebook/text... Isn't that ok?

Short answer, no.

You might have pure intentions, hoping to get to know each other for the sake of marriage. The scary fact is, Shaytaan will seize the opportunity if he sees you approaching a potentially sinful situation. Slowly but surely, certain things seem more and more acceptable to you, and you could soon find yourself in a compromising situation that you never would have thought possible.

Like quicksand, haram relationships are easy to fall in to and hard to get out of (mostly because of the emotional toll). If only we heeded the advice of the One created us, we'd find our lives so much easier.

And do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way. (Al Isra 17:32)

Tip: Don't even come close to zina- can the advice be any clearer? What starts off “innocently” can lead to zina. Trust that Allah is looking out for your best interest. Begin what you intend to do the right way, so that what follows is right, inshaAllah. If what begins right, ends right, we can hope for the “right” abode in the akhirah - Jannah.

But we're getting married... eventually!

In a nutshell - until the imam pronounces you as man and wife - he is to you as every other man is. Would you consider is ok to call Carlos from accounting and have a chat about your favorite movies? Is it ok to meet Imam Bilal at the movies? Late night phone calls and meet ups are off-limits, unless your wali is in on the situation like butter on bread.

Sisters, don't be fooled in to thinking everything is sweet just because he manned up and proposed (or promised to propose). By Allah, there are girls who give up their dignity, with promises of marriage, and I'm talking about really giving it up. They lost their 'izza for nothing more than promises and feeling lovey dovey - only to find themselves dumped, or in a miserable marriage to someone who doesn't fear Allah, because they were too love-blind to see the red flags. A real man isn't one who can get the girls... a real man is one who fears Allah, especially when emotions are high.

But he wont want me if we don't communicate.

Think of your (future) husband as an advocate of your deen - i.e. the closest person to you that will encourage you toward good and steer you away from sin. If this guy fails to encourage piety from the outset, what is it that you are seeking from him?

If the guy you want to marry pressures you to communicate with him outside of your wali, he's forcing you in to a corner. On one hand, you want to protect your izza and your Iman. On the other hand, is him. Does that sound like a good deal to you?

Your wali is there for a reason (actually, quite a few reasons). He is supposed to deal with your suitors, and act as a chaperone, to avoid any haram contact.

Tip: Utilise your wali to safeguard your Iman, hopefully attaining barakah in your marriage by doing things in accordance to Islam. Don't taint your future marriage by planting the seeds of haram, because eventually you will have to reap them.
I can't find anyone else but him...

As for those who fear they can’t find anybody else, may Allah send you a righteous brother soon, Ameen. It's tempting to cling on to the first decent guy that shows interest, but don't settle for anyone who makes you compromise your Deen.

Tip: Be upfront with all suitors. Let them know your wali will be present at all times during the pre-marital meeting. Make sure your wali understands his role properly, which isn't to keep a brick wall between you and your intended, but to act as your guardian. There are no excuses for being in seclusion (khalwa) with a non-Mahram for the sake of getting to know them.

Narrated Umar ibn al-Khattab: Rasulullah (SAW) said, "Whenever a man is alone with a woman the Devil makes a third." (Al-Tirmidhi 3118)

But everyone else is doing it...

I find it appropriate to repeat the words of my mother, and just about everybody else's mother, "If everybody jumps off a bridge, will you jump too?". Cliche, sure, but they had a point. Just because other people are engaging in haram, it doesn't make it ok for you to follow. You'll only add to your bad deeds, and theirs too. What if the same people you choose to follow in this life, turn out to be the ones you have no choice but to follow in the next? And what of these same people are thrown into fire - what will your situation be?

Tip: Keep good company, stay amongst people who understand the seriousness of disobeying Allah and His messenger sal Allahu alayhi wa salaam. Reflect on the famous Hadith of the perfume and the blacksmith:

Narrated Abu Musa: Allah's Apostle said, "The example of a good companion (who sits with you) in comparison with a bad one, is like that of the musk seller and the blacksmith's bellows (or furnace); from the first you would either buy musk or enjoy its good smell while the bellows would either burn your clothes or your house, or you get a bad nasty smell thereof." ...(Ṣahih al-Bukhārī)

Good friends are invaluable. A good friend will advise you to have sabr and wait for a suitable situation to come up. A bad friend will encourage you to disobey Allah for a meaningless romance. The difference between such companions is literally the difference between Jannah and Jahannam. Choose wisely, and find success, inshaAllah.

But it's too late to keep it halal...

So you've already commenced haram contact and you feel like its too late to stop. Fortunately, you're wrong.

The contact between you may have become inappropriate, it doesn't have to stay that way. Perhaps Shaytaan got the better of you, and he might have won a few battles, but it doesn't mean he's won the war. You can make it halal, but you have to make a sincere effort.

1. Within yourself, make it clear that you are 'making it halal' for the sake of Allah. This is vital! You need to be clear about what your goal is, and stay steadfast, because Shaytaan is going to attack you from very angle. Repentance is key – you need to seek forgiveness, regret, and abstain from the sin. The great news is, that you have a Lord who is Ar-Rahman (The Compassionate), Al-Ghaffar (The Pardoner), Al-Afuw (The Forgiving), Al Halim (The Kindly).
2. Give the number of your wali to this guy, if you're serious about marriage. If not, break contact immediately. Either you're heading for marriage or you're not. Good Muslims are not 'players' - so don't play around.

By shunning the evil of free mixing and dating, you are reviving a sunnah, and setting a trend of modesty and piety, in a world riddled with evil desires and dangerous sins. Don't underestimate the worth of clinging to the Deen, regardless of whose love you lose...

...Because a Muslimah Queen like you deserves to be loved and cherished in ways that please Allah, Whose love we cannot live without. And that's real.

Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful." (39:53)

took from SISTERS FB Page
Waalaikummusalam warahmatullah ~

Marriage and Love

He wants to marry me, he wants to marry me not...

18:00



In the name of Allah , the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful. 

Assalamualaykum to all, 

Aaah! The dilemma of marriage! The dilemma of love! I've been noticing this quite a lot among the brothers and sisters around me these days. 

And before all of you come up being defensive for the fact that our situations are not the same, let me tell you this, I HAVE BEEN THERE!

Let me tell you something bout my love life before Islam and after it and the time when I got married. Probably you sisters and brothers could somewhat relate to it.

When I first fell in love, it was what my mom use to call "monkey love"! This is the love that sparked during high school and wallahi most of us have no idea what love is! Love to me at least was what i saw in bollywood movie and its funny when wee try to mimic it in real life! It was all innocent (at least back then) and yes there wasn't any idea of marriage because this is just part time. Well, I was trained to be more career minded back then and love is just a fling and its part time.

When I hit the age 19, then I realized the weight of love! It consists sacrifice, time and of course the big word, MARRIAGE! A proposal came to me then, with much love and promises and well at least it sounded serious! It was a reality check for me because, i'm no longer a kid. I feel old and i know its time to carry something on my back called RESPONSIBILITY. Then again, i have no idea bout marriage, being seriously in love is something that i thought i could start as a practice towards my marriage! You see, it was definitely, sugar and flowers at the same time and i developed something called ATTACHMENT! He did come over and meet my parents but none of us is in the idea of wedding at that time. My parents had different idea and plans for me and marriage wasn't one of it. I had a plan for myself too and it was just to continue living as how i am. Yes, i'm very comfortable in the dating zone! However, this guy is 10 years older than me and subahanAllah age is just a number guys! He was just as me, no future plan for us or the family that we wanted to built, no future on managing our life...nothing...just...WILL YOU MARRY ME?...

So, well that didn't go right didn't it! Due to that attachment, I was in great pain! A pain that left me categorizing men. A pain that left me thinking there isn't more to life, no future and i shall just live by the moment. So, i did! I lost myself in search for love due to that heartbreak. Men came into my life and they came in bringing the same promises, MARRIAGE. I had to keep it clear and it was all about being friends with benefits and rebounds! I've lost myself and first time ever i felt like i was in control with my life! Prayers, God, nah, i was just doing it without fear and taqwa. Plus i was mad at God at that time for taking away what i love the most. Well, now thinking bout it, it's just a guy and seriously?! what a huge drama!

I think Allah SWT noticed my huge drama and for some reason i think He loves me alot! 

LOVE came again into my life not long after that. This time...MashaAllah it came and hit me big! It didn't only bring me love from a human but SubahanAllah it came with the LOVE OF MY RABB. To me at that time, this relationship that i was in was the purest form ever! From a love that demands sacrifice, i've got a love that is patience. From a love that is all about physical interaction, I've got a love that respects me as a woman. It was something new for me and yes it did come to me with the same promise, MARRIAGE. But then for me, i was more in awed for the fact that i saw sooo much of amazing akhlaq and differences! And i was in denial for the fact that was all because of Islam as i was anti Islam and never in a million years will i consider the religion. 

To cut it all short, this promise of MARRIAGE pushed me to open the Quran, read and learn as if i was going to go all serious, i need to go SEARCH and LEARN. Cutting it short, i fell in love more with Allah SWT and that made me realize who MY RABB was. Alhamdulillah for that LOVE, i was a new person, i realized the purpose of my life, i struggled in becoming a good Muslim, i searched ways to please MY RABB and this was when i started climbing the stairs rapidly. 

Yet than i forgot that haram is still haram no matter how you JUSTIFY it. We both knew it but we was both in denial because we put MARRIAGE as our goal and inshaAllah despite anything we will end up there! We tried so many ways trying to make it all halal. No contacting, no meeting up, using a middle person to convey messages, meeting each other in the presence of friends, meeting at the masjid so that it might not look bad and wallahi soo many other way trying to make it halal. Yet, you know the heart is just too fragile to say no. Time passed but we were just at where we started it. This time, astaghfirullah, my ibaadah started to go in the way of pleasing him rather than Allah SWT. Again i fell into the same hole of attachment as i did before.

Time passed and well, Allah SWT wanted different thing for both of us. We separated and took different paths in life. Then and only then i prayed and went on sujud every night asking forgiveness from Allah SWT and asking Him to give me another chance to make it all right! And at the same time i prayed to Allah SWT to take care of my heart and only pass it to the one that He has written for me. 



When i met my husband, Allah SWT was there holding to my du'a and guiding me to MARRIAGE as soon as possible. We were drifting a lil bit here and there but Alhamdulillah, Allah SWT sent so many amazing brothers and sisters pushing us into the path back and making us do it without much fitna. 

Brothers and sisters, i am sharing my journey of LOVE and MARRIAGE to all of you not to tell you that I am right but i'm sharing it so that all of you would know that it isn't all that hard and painful unless you make it that way. Ask yourself, is the person that I'm in LOVE with is going to be there during hardship? Is the person going to stand by me? Do we share the same goal in life and the family that we want to build? So after we get married, what happens? Will it feel the same just like before? Am i really ready to be a wife? A mother? And most importantly, IS ALLAH PLEASED WITH THIS RELATIONSHIP? HOW IS ALLAH PLEASED WITH ME WHEN I DON'T PLEASE HIM? 

It is in your hands how you design your MARRIAGE. If a MARRIAGE starts with something halal and good, inshaAllah it will end with something good. It is not wrong to fall in LOVE, but fall in love through the way that our RABB has ordained for us because then, we will not be in much PAIN because of a creation.


Don't lose yourself brothers and sisters and make loads and loads of du'a. Allah SWT hears :)

Waalaykummusalam warahmatullah ~

Marriage and Love

And I wish for a lavish marriage....Alhamdulillah

01:08

Me & My Zawj...well the background is definitely not from our wedding! :p


In the name of Allah , the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful. 

Assalamualaikum dear family,


30:21
And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought. (Holy Quran 30:21)


Few days before I had somebody who asked my hand in marriage, I was going through a lecture video by Sheikh Yawar Baig regarding marriage, what it really is and the essential part of making it wonderful. He then was explaining about this verse. SubahanAllah at that time i thought to myself that its merely impossible for anyone to put up with me. Trust me! The amount of breakdowns and frustration because of being a revert is painful enough that i stop burdening people with it and instead turned to my Love. Sajdah was the only way i could cry and pour my pain upon and i thought how would i ever have tranquillity being in a marriage with someone.

I was at the point of giving up, no marriage and weddings, all of it over rated, couldn't be bothered! But deep inside me i do know that there is something about marriage and its a sunnah. Every possible night, i do wake up for tahajjud and asked Allah SWT to bless me with a man who will love me more than i do, for the sake of Allah SWT. A man who is on this deen, and is growing like me and willing to learn with me, a man who will do da'wah to my family and a man who will be the coolness of my eyes.

One day a brother that i knew from my workplace(still my colleague) asked my hand in marriage and wallahi i thought he was kidding! and i obviously said that he is crazy cause he have no idea what his getting into! then he asked me again and then it hit me that he is really serious about it! He is 3 years younger than me and for me its a definite no! even if it was following the sunnah. I could never register more in my head that this brother is just a child! My bad, he is not!

Well, coming from a dating background, i never know how it worked in the real Islamic way. But i did tell myself that i want to make it right this time. So, i said yes and then we proceeded with getting to know each other in terms of what we like, our vision in life, for the marriage, how we want to bring the kids up and all of the serious stuffs.

What amaze me the most with this brother is that, he have never seen my face, never seen my figure cos of the abaya, I'm a revert and i have nothing other than this deen but he wanted to marry me! its soooo weird in a good way for me! I've always hated brothers who wants to marry sisters just because of how they look but this is too weirdly awesome for me!

We then proceeded to the part where he came over to see my face cause its part of sunnah and subahanAllah that moment is just sooo beautiful i can even smile till today.thinking bout it. Wallahi I've never blushed that much in my life! we were both lowering our gazes and the awkwardness just went up to the next level! and yes, we both immediately agreed to get married. i was scared about how will it go with my family and the whole situation but Alhamdulillah, Allah gave me someone who has total tawakul in Him.

Then it went on to meet his parents and MashaAllah they were the nicest people I've ever met! My mother-in-law was definitely the kind i was dreaming of since i was young! told him though that his mother is my dream mother-in-law :p . and his father, mashaAllah a humble man and funny at times! We than proceeded to the legal matters to get our nikah done and his parents was with us preparing and doing everything with us till the last day! With the crazy government procedure making the process of getting the nikah done, they actually went up and down with us..MashaAllah...May Allah bless them for that effort and help that they did for us...and i am truly blessed to have them in my life.

While going through all the hassle and hardship, Allah truly blessed us with ease. We knew each other so well for only a month and on the 31st of January 2013, we did our nikah at the Islamic Affairs Department in Malaysia. It was the most simplest nikah where we had both his parents and both my really close friends there to witness it all.

After all, Allah did hear to my prayers of not wanting a lavish wedding...Alhamdulillah~

Well dear family, my husband is not the most handsomest man or the most macho person. He doesn't look like a model or even the fairest man alive and he is definitely not the urdu speaking poet that comes in a white horse to sweep me of my feet (yes, that is my unrealistic wish for a husband :p). He is not the kind of person that i want but he is what Allah SWT wants for me. How beautiful is it to receive a gift that when you open the box, you'll see the most beautiful thing ever inside it. I'm saying Alhamdulillah everyday and everyday is a new page with him.

To those out there looking for the right life partner, make sure you fix yourself first according to this deen and at the same time make loads of du'a asking Allah SWT to send you the right one. Do not despair when things don't go your way because the best is that which goes in Allah's way. Like what my husband always tells me,  say Alhamdulillah no matter in what situation we are in. Even in the bad times, Allah SWT is preparing the best for you which even you can't imagine it.

Do keep us in your du'a my dear family...inshaAllah~



25:74


And those who say, "Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous." (Holy Quran 25:74)



Waalaikummusalam warahmatullah ~

Daily Rambles

His Favours Upon Me ~ Alhamdulillah

11:03

Surah Ad-Dhuha

In the name of Allah , the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful.

Assalamualaikum my dear family!

Preety sad Ramadhan is leaving right :(( and i didn’t even do much this year! huhuhuhuhu…not easy staying with the parents #ramblesofarevert but then Alhamdulillah been making use of every opportunity i get to do ibaadah! :D

This year Eid is going to be the same like last year except that i might spend half of the day with my parents :D Funnily, my dad is pretty excited celebrating Eid but not so cool about Islam…weird but that’s the truth! He is a man who is really hard to predict! :p plus i don’t know is i ever have a chance to celebrate with them next year if they know about my reversion :( it’s pretty different right celebrating with friends and celebrating with family…family usually is the best! :D so those of you who have that wonderful opportunity, spend it right yeah! :D

Aaannnddddd….ok now the climax of my story is coming in! heee…. *excited*

Last week i came across this amazing ayah in the Quran (above pic)…and it hit me hard! i was like mashaAllah, its talking to me!!!! i think during Ramadhan i was complaining a lot so He made me stumble upon this ayah…i mean who else do i complain to other than Him right! >.<

and i just looked up and said “sorry my Beloved, i’ve been complaining a lot but i wish i had the opportunity to make this right for my imaan and Deen” and guess what happened the next day……

i got a call from Mercy Mission Malaysia telling me that i got a job there under the creative department! MashaAllah! i was screaming in my heart!! Alhamdulillah i’m soooooo blessed! i’m about to work for my Deen using my passion! won’t you go crazy?! i did! :p and the best part is that i’ll be getting a place to stay at the Madinah Centre which is a new muslim and women shelter! Alhamdulillah! and a ride to work with a sister! SubahanAllah! its like Allah just secured me a place and He planned it beautifully! i can never ask for any other blessing than this!

But nowwwww…..i need to tell my parents about this…i know for sure they are not going to be tooo happy about it but…yah du’a…inshaAllah something good will come up! So my dear family, please make du’a for me so that Allah will ease this for me especially the part about telling my parents and not to forget du’a for the ummah too! i love all of you for the sake of Allah :D

Jazakallhu khair
Waalaikummusalam warahmatullah ~

Him

Companionship: A Ticket to Jannah

12:50

In the name of Allah , the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful. 

Assalamualaikum to all,

So how has Ramadhan been so far my dear family? hopefully good yeah! :D

Well, this Ramadhan for me its all about Allah and family. Yes, my parents are aware that i'm fasting but Alhamdulillah no complain so far! Thank you Allah for not letting them complain :D in fact i break my fast together with them and its cute looking at my dad enjoying the dates as much as i do! but my mom is still adamant to the fact that i'm following the Muslim lifestyle. Despite that Alhamdulillah things are going on pretty good just that i never had much time to perform tarawih prayers and its an on off thing due to unavoidable circumstances :(



Apart from that, im kinda missing iftaar and suhoor back in my university days. it is indeed a different feeling being with my Muslim friends and enjoying Ramadhan as much as i could :) Missing all my friends already! now they are probably doing it with their family or their husband :)

Thinking about friends and companionship in my life, i'm actually blessed in a way that Allah has always brought me closer to better people! when im close to someone that takes me away from Him, He pulls me back to seeratul mustaqeem and Alhamdulillah i can never come so far without Him. it is true you know that the purpose we are here on earth is to prepare ourselves for the hereafter and everything that comes to us in this world is a bridge and preparation moving into the hereafter. This applies to relationship too! be our family, friends or even spouse...they define who we really are!

Yesterday i was having my iftaar and taraweh in International Islamic University Malaysia's mosque with my dear beloved sisters Anis, Alyaa and Sharmi! ouh and not to forget teacher Fatin and her cutie little son was there too! MashaAllah it was so beautiful being with them and of course we met sister Hind after the taraweh! MashaAllah that girl is a super woman! :D But the best thing among all is when its time for Isha' and Alyaa hold me and Sharmi and went "come lets stand together so that we'll get into Jannah together"...huuuu i was speechless and the only think i could say that time was Alhamdulillah...thank you for this wonderful gift Rabb! and made du'a for everyone! :D MashaAllah!

See, these are the kind of companions im talking about! those who love you for Allah's sake and you want to be better! such an inspirational ladies MashaAllah!

Ouh, and few months back i was in a halaqa in IIUM which was conducted by Sister Tasneem regarding ticket to Jannah. Most of us might be thinking that the ticket to Jannah is just about fasting, zakat and salat but you know what, there's more to that!

When people talk about Jannah, im always reminded by this hadith...my FAV hadith actually! heeee.....

On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:
"When Allah created Paradise and Hell-fire, He sent Gabriel to Paradise, saying: 'Look at it and at what I have prepared therein for its inhabitants.'" The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "So he came to it and looked at it and at what Allah had prepared therein for its inhabitants." The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "So he returned to Him and said: 'By your glory, no one hears of it without entering it.' So He ordered that it be encompassed by forms of hardship, and He said: 'Return to it and look at what I have prepared therein for its inhabitants.'" The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "So he returned to it and found that it was encompassed by forms of hardship (1). Then he returned to Him and said: 'By Your glory, I fear that no one will enter it.' He said: 'Go to Hell-fire and look at it and what I have prepared therein for its inhabitants;' and he found that it was in layers, one above the other. Then he returned to Him and said: 'By Your glory, no one who hears of it will enter it.' So He ordered that it be encompassed by lusts. Then He said: 'Return to it.' And he returned to it and said: 'By Your glory, I am frightened that no one will escape from entering it.' - Hadith Qudsi, 38
Such a powerful hadith right! just knocks right into your head! uhuhuhuhu.....
Some disbelievers would actually think and question why Allah is so mean and strict and God is suppose to be compasionate and all but what we fail to realize is that Allah has always His own reason! Well, seeing it logically, we human only appreciate something when its more challenging right? For instance, you want a raise at work so badly and in order to get it, you strive and give your all in achieving it and after that when u get it, you treasure it so much because of all the other things that you gain striving for it! What about Jannah? You want to strive to get in it because of Allah dont you? you want to see your creator! and what else could bring you more happiness than being with Him and with those who love Him?

The more challenging something is, the more you value it and its deserving to have it! Allah makes Jannah more worth it!

On the other hand, half of our daily life are spent with friends..right? be it in college or at workplace, you spend most hours with your friends and Friends are indeed blessings from Allah SWT. But then yet again what kinda friends are you with? are they those who loves you for the sake of Allah? are they those who guide and bring you to Jannah with them? and those who are married, ask this to yourself...is your spouse the one who reminds you of Allah during times of happiness and darkness? or do you do that to your spouse?

The ticket to Jannah is not only what is fard and halal is but its also companionship...those who are closer to you because they are those who actually you spend most of your time with.

Islam talks about types of friends that we encounter throughout our lives. Forgive me if my spelling is wrong...still poor in arabic :p...There are those who are :

1) Qarin - Somebody who are always with you
- As-Saffat : 51-57 - when you walk away from the remembrance of Allah 

2) Khodul - when time gets tough, they wont be there with you
- friends who are only there to use you...like shaitaan
- Al-Furqaan : 28-29 

3) Rofiqr - friends that you can count on.
- someone that gives you valuable good advice
- pick a friend higher practising than you are
- pick older friends that makes you more mature
- An-Nisa' : 69 

4) Wali - Someone that protects you
- Allah SWT is our best wali! :D
- Al-Ma'idah : 65 

5) Sidique - Truthful friends 

6) Khaleem - extremely close friends
- love in your heart for them 

7) Hamim - not so close with you but only by action 

8) Walija - protects you, trust so much that they take part in your personal life
- they have to be a believer
- At-Tawbah : 16 

9) Bittonah - secret keeping friend
- only wants something bad for you
- Ali-Imran : 118


*Nouman Ali Khan's lecture on the types of friend mentioned in the Quran*


AND not to forget before we do all this we gotta change ourselves first! remember Allah will never change our situation unless we change them within ourselves.

So again, ask yourself is your companion the right ones? and ask Allah to guide you to being a better person by giving you the right kind of friends :D

Let's make a whole loads of du'a for ourselves and the Ummah okayh! :D

Waalaikummusalam warahmatullah ~

Marriage and Love

Alhamdulillah...The end of Haram...

14:35

In the name of Allah , the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful. 

Assalamualaikum to all,

I bet by the sound of the title of my post you would probably think that "Man! haram police is here!" MashaAllah nah! im not gonna do that :D ... there is actually a reason that im writing this post...im sad but at the same time im actually saying Alhamdulillah for everything. im hoping that this might be enlightening to other people inshaAllah and please bear with me, it will be a long post :p

See, few months ago i was in a pain. holding on to matters and at the same time trying to do my best before i reached the state of tawakul! inside me i knew that time that i needed Allah, i needed His guidance so i have been getting closer to my deen. trying to do more, learn more, be better and i was always making sure that im balanced dunya akhira.

So one day i walked into the masjid and prayed my maghrib prayers in jamaah and i couldn't control my tear! it was rolling and rolling like rolling in the deep :p! i had so much of burden that i need to let go to my Lord .... till at the end of the prayer, a granny who was sitting beside me hold me tight and asked me what's wrong, why am i crying. i couldn't tell her anything actually, i continued crying and she said "be patient, be patient for Allah and everything will be ok" MashaAllah i cried even more hearing to it! SubahanAllah~  well, i have been crying in the masjid this few months, i bet the whole masjid know me as..THE CRY BABY! hikhikhik....

See, i had a problem actually...i was attached!and it is not a halal attachment.. i was attached to a brother (im not really that good of a person tho!) This brother came into my life way before me becoming a Muslim and yes, he was the major contributor to my deen at that time! what i really liked about him was that he was like an imam i was finding for, a Khalifah to guide the ummah and a friend who loved me dearly for the sake of Allah. Knowing him, my ukhwah grew into knowing people who loves Allah too! MashaAllah its a wonderful feeling right, being around people who loves Allah, and Allah loves them. Alhamdulillah for that!

Well, the brother came up to me asking my hand in marriage and analysing everything, i actually said yes but i was naive to do istikharah and seeking Allah's guidance. I thought this is Allah's blessing for me.I later on told him that this might not work as my parents are not aware of my reversion but yet than he promised me..he promised to be there for me, he promised to marry me and go through thick and thin with me...i agreed for it.

Days passes by and we grew closer, at that time i thought he was my knight shinning in armour! subahanAllah i started depending on him as though he knew what is right for me in my life and my deen and what i thought was that we were growing together in it and he told me that we are actually engaged as his family knew about us and everything. Then there came my parents who opposed to the whole idea and my family giving both of us really a tough time, but inside me i knew Allah has the key to everyone's heart same goes to my parents'. Day passed and i told myself at that time that well, if Allah were to grant my du'a then Alhamdulillah and there wasn't a day that i didn't pray for things to be better

It is true that people change along the way, its either to become better or worst! to get closer to Allah or to dunya and along the way we changed too! I was getting closer to Allah trying to buck up my deen. I thought that by getting closer to Allah, Allah will be pleased with me and eventually grant my du'as but then I never did realize what I prayed till today! I made du'a to Allah to make me a better Muslimah, a better servant to Him, steadfast in this deen and bless me with a husband who will walk with me achieving jannah. See, when i made this du'as i was keeping this brother in my heart and its like i've made my mind that he is the one and Allah please make it happen for me. But i was wrong! Allah heard my prayers and He knew what's best for me. not long enough i start to realize how he was too busy with work and catching up with work and i dunno whether did he do anything at all for his deen? i did questioned that but i was still yet denying it inside me subahanAllah~

Allah actually loves me more and i realized it. Recently this brother got engaged to someone else and it was a perfect timing when my father agreed to our marriage. MashaAllah she is so pretty, thin and a kind of women a material men want to have. I did learn about her and what kind of person she is and Allah was never wrong and the quran also is never wrong! Allah said

" Vile women are for vile men, and vile men for vile women. Good women are for good men, and good men for good women; such are innocent of that which people say: For them is pardon and a bountiful provision." Quran 24:26


When i see and hear things about her this is the verse that reminds me of that. Well, you might think that i'm judging but no my dear family, i pray to Allah that this brother will have the strength to guide her. i am sad, very actually not because he hurt me by not telling me that he is getting engaged to someone else but i'm sad looking at what he turned to be. He was a man who have so much of capability, so much of dakwah that he could do for the ummah but i'm so sad that he turned up to be the opposite.i was never bothered if he doesn't want to marry me, i just want him to marry the women of deen! But yet again Allah knows what's best for him and Allah has plan for them. i just ask forgiveness from Allah for him and me, for all the promises he made on Allah's name...everything.

Now, i see Allah's love and blessings clearer..Allah took away one love but blessed me with abundant including His love for me. He sent me wonderful sisters who is with me from day one till today, sisters that came into my life today but made me stronger MashaAllah! i never did regret for what i went through cos if i didn't i wouldn't be steadfast in Islam, it will never cross my mind that i will be a Muslim! this brother thought me a lot actually. he once told me this before i became a Muslim "if you love me, you will love what I love and that is Islam. But I know for sure, one day, you will love Islam more than me! " SubahanAllah he is sooo true! i love Allah and this deen so much! a blessing that i got never by asking Allah at all...it just came to me!  he was the one who advised me in being a better muslimah, learn everything, question things that are doubtful to us and get clarification before following it, he is the one who always reminded me to pray on time and mashaAllah most importantly he taught me patience and strength! but he was sent by Allah just to guide me for awhile and his job is done. Allah is now taking him away~

Will iamthebeliever ever be married? inshaAllah one day to a man that Allah will pass my heart to cos now my heart belongs to Allah . a man who will take care of it, a man that will learn together with me till jannah, a man that will open the eyes of both my parents and sister about islam, a man who will trully love me for the sake of Allah! Do make du'a for me dear family to go through this test :)

I hope this story of mine will inspire all of you in some way. Like how my favourite speaker, Yasmin Mogahed says, everything in this world is a tool for you to seek Allah. Don't keep the love of human in your heart yet keep it in your hand...only Allah belongs in your heart...SubahanAllah~



Waalaikummusalam warahmatullah ~