In the name of Allah , the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful.
Assalamualaykum to all,
Aaah! The dilemma of marriage! The dilemma of love! I've been noticing this quite a lot among the brothers and sisters around me these days.
And before all of you come up being defensive for the fact that our situations are not the same, let me tell you this, I HAVE BEEN THERE!
Let me tell you something bout my love life before Islam and after it and the time when I got married. Probably you sisters and brothers could somewhat relate to it.
When I first fell in love, it was what my mom use to call "monkey love"! This is the love that sparked during high school and wallahi most of us have no idea what love is! Love to me at least was what i saw in bollywood movie and its funny when wee try to mimic it in real life! It was all innocent (at least back then) and yes there wasn't any idea of marriage because this is just part time. Well, I was trained to be more career minded back then and love is just a fling and its part time.
When I hit the age 19, then I realized the weight of love! It consists sacrifice, time and of course the big word, MARRIAGE! A proposal came to me then, with much love and promises and well at least it sounded serious! It was a reality check for me because, i'm no longer a kid. I feel old and i know its time to carry something on my back called RESPONSIBILITY. Then again, i have no idea bout marriage, being seriously in love is something that i thought i could start as a practice towards my marriage! You see, it was definitely, sugar and flowers at the same time and i developed something called ATTACHMENT! He did come over and meet my parents but none of us is in the idea of wedding at that time. My parents had different idea and plans for me and marriage wasn't one of it. I had a plan for myself too and it was just to continue living as how i am. Yes, i'm very comfortable in the dating zone! However, this guy is 10 years older than me and subahanAllah age is just a number guys! He was just as me, no future plan for us or the family that we wanted to built, no future on managing our life...nothing...just...WILL YOU MARRY ME?...
So, well that didn't go right didn't it! Due to that attachment, I was in great pain! A pain that left me categorizing men. A pain that left me thinking there isn't more to life, no future and i shall just live by the moment. So, i did! I lost myself in search for love due to that heartbreak. Men came into my life and they came in bringing the same promises, MARRIAGE. I had to keep it clear and it was all about being friends with benefits and rebounds! I've lost myself and first time ever i felt like i was in control with my life! Prayers, God, nah, i was just doing it without fear and taqwa. Plus i was mad at God at that time for taking away what i love the most. Well, now thinking bout it, it's just a guy and seriously?! what a huge drama!
I think Allah SWT noticed my huge drama and for some reason i think He loves me alot!
LOVE came again into my life not long after that. This time...MashaAllah it came and hit me big! It didn't only bring me love from a human but SubahanAllah it came with the LOVE OF MY RABB. To me at that time, this relationship that i was in was the purest form ever! From a love that demands sacrifice, i've got a love that is patience. From a love that is all about physical interaction, I've got a love that respects me as a woman. It was something new for me and yes it did come to me with the same promise, MARRIAGE. But then for me, i was more in awed for the fact that i saw sooo much of amazing akhlaq and differences! And i was in denial for the fact that was all because of Islam as i was anti Islam and never in a million years will i consider the religion.
To cut it all short, this promise of MARRIAGE pushed me to open the Quran, read and learn as if i was going to go all serious, i need to go SEARCH and LEARN. Cutting it short, i fell in love more with Allah SWT and that made me realize who MY RABB was. Alhamdulillah for that LOVE, i was a new person, i realized the purpose of my life, i struggled in becoming a good Muslim, i searched ways to please MY RABB and this was when i started climbing the stairs rapidly.
Yet than i forgot that haram is still haram no matter how you JUSTIFY it. We both knew it but we was both in denial because we put MARRIAGE as our goal and inshaAllah despite anything we will end up there! We tried so many ways trying to make it all halal. No contacting, no meeting up, using a middle person to convey messages, meeting each other in the presence of friends, meeting at the masjid so that it might not look bad and wallahi soo many other way trying to make it halal. Yet, you know the heart is just too fragile to say no. Time passed but we were just at where we started it. This time, astaghfirullah, my ibaadah started to go in the way of pleasing him rather than Allah SWT. Again i fell into the same hole of attachment as i did before.
Time passed and well, Allah SWT wanted different thing for both of us. We separated and took different paths in life. Then and only then i prayed and went on sujud every night asking forgiveness from Allah SWT and asking Him to give me another chance to make it all right! And at the same time i prayed to Allah SWT to take care of my heart and only pass it to the one that He has written for me.
When i met my husband, Allah SWT was there holding to my du'a and guiding me to MARRIAGE as soon as possible. We were drifting a lil bit here and there but Alhamdulillah, Allah SWT sent so many amazing brothers and sisters pushing us into the path back and making us do it without much fitna.
Brothers and sisters, i am sharing my journey of LOVE and MARRIAGE to all of you not to tell you that I am right but i'm sharing it so that all of you would know that it isn't all that hard and painful unless you make it that way. Ask yourself, is the person that I'm in LOVE with is going to be there during hardship? Is the person going to stand by me? Do we share the same goal in life and the family that we want to build? So after we get married, what happens? Will it feel the same just like before? Am i really ready to be a wife? A mother? And most importantly, IS ALLAH PLEASED WITH THIS RELATIONSHIP? HOW IS ALLAH PLEASED WITH ME WHEN I DON'T PLEASE HIM?
It is in your hands how you design your MARRIAGE. If a MARRIAGE starts with something halal and good, inshaAllah it will end with something good. It is not wrong to fall in LOVE, but fall in love through the way that our RABB has ordained for us because then, we will not be in much PAIN because of a creation.
Don't lose yourself brothers and sisters and make loads and loads of du'a. Allah SWT hears :)
Waalaykummusalam warahmatullah ~
